Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Ninth Day

Thou, on those who evermore
Thee confess and Thee adore,
In Thy sevenfold gifts descend:
Give them comfort when they die;
Give them life with Thee on high;
Give them joys which never end.

The Fruits of the Holy Spirit

The gifts of the Holy Spirit perfect the supernatural virtues by enabling us to practice them with greater docility to divine inspiration. As we grow in the knowledge and love of God under the direction of the Holy Spirit, our service becomes more sincere and generous, the practice of virtue more perfect. Such acts of virtue leave the heart filled with joy and consolation and are known as Fruits of the Holy Spirit. These Fruits in turn render the practice of virtue more attractive and become a powerful incentive for still greater efforts in the service of God, to serve Whom is to reign.


Come, O Divine Spirit, fill my heart with Thy heavenly fruits, Thy charity, joy, peace, patience, benighity, goodness, faith, mildness and temperance, that I may never weary in the service of God, but by continued faithful submission to Thy inspiration may merit to be united eternally with Thee in the love of the Father and the Son. Amen.

When you pray this one you have to pray for me too. "practice them with greater docility" is still a foreign concept to me. Way back when I did not have a big family, (check your history books: about 1000 bc) I decided to practice "A time for Silence" Eclesiastices. I bit my tongue so long, 2 years, and so hard that I had a scar in my mouth for another 2 years to remind me. Yes there were fruits. Yes I spent more time turning to Jesus in my heart. But I kind of lost it in the past few years. Been in the desert actually. Starting to find more oaisis.
Anyway I'm not dealing well as any of you in the 40-50 range can understand. More Magazine had some interesting (if non-catholic) perspective on this that rings true. I just don't see myself as having time to put up with things I used to. When your pregnant, nursing, nesting, you'll do anything to build and contain the family. Even bite your tongue. Now I just want to be heard, understood. I dread the 'you never told me' when I have written proof otherwise. I've spent 8 -10 hours not having my intelligence strained by little ones. I could degrade myself by listening to The View or Orprah but I don't. I study, read, run an internet search, write, pray ask advice. I HAVE THINGS TO SAY.
But that isn't peace,
or faith,
or joy,
or Mary's Humility.
All things I also want in my life.
Last night I watched CSI. One victim's widower is asked if he knew his wife's secret. Did she know. "Have you ever been married?" he asks. Then goes on to explain all the things he plans to tell her when he gets home. but she's cooking, the baby wants a story, the phone rings. "tomorrow I tell myself, but it doesn't happen"

Lord help me to accept that only You know me, all of me, and love me as I am. Maybe laughing like I chuckle at Z's attempt to create a "look" but with genuine love. Take away this need for Human Respect. Let me want nothing but You.

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