Monday, July 23, 2007

Editing

"Feeling better? You didn't sound like yourself when I read your blog."

Actually the more I think about it I sounded more like myself in that last, unedited, rambling mess of a blog. As I told my family when they heard a tirade in a premenopausal mood swing---'Believe me its worse in here'
My nature is to react, emotionally, and respond unedited to every event, hardship, book, song, pray and fleeting thought. I was so easily distracted as a child my poor mother brought me in for a hearing test. Thankfully she was also very understanding. She noticed and shared most of my first puberty induce crying jags.
Dear Hubby also understands. When I need to talk something out, out loud, for half and hour straight just to understand what I think about something he sits and listens. I can visibly see him restrain himself from commenting. Of course like any real man he wants to fix it. His brain is off to solutions even before I know if there is something to fix or just an emotion I need to control.

During one of our Bible Studies we mentioned mood swings and I was finally seeing, after 30 years of having them, that they are a gift. When women are calm, sedate, strong and happy we can create those things in our homes. When our mind and body is stressed and seeing everything that is wrong our eyes are opened to those things that need to be fixed. Whether that is ourselves or a relationship.
It is a gift that one parent has mood swings at the same time as teens to sympathize with them while one is steady and unreactive to little things when they need a buoy to cling to in the storm.

As an aside though I thoroughly advocate getting professional help when you need it. Again a bad mood swing is a signal that something is wrong and it may be you. Did you know most thyroid problems go undiagnosed? Did you know most diets increase mood swings and hurt fertility because when we cut bad fats we often loose essential fatty acids--- which make our brain work correctly.
Mine have mostly been better but I think I need to cut the caffeine again and watch that I eat breakfast and cut the alcohol. I was mostly the 'good girl' then spent 14 years of my marriage pregnant or nursing and the rest watching out for migraine triggers. Now that my kids usually sleep through the night and I'm outgrowing migraines its a real treat to have a beer or two. A wine with dinner and one after tucking. But of course I'm not at my best in the morning, not loosing weight, not cutting caffeine and my mood swings control me instead of being a tool I can use to discern where my efforts should be.

So while the calm, collected, even funny persona is what most people see and love its the frantic, unorganized, unedited and melancholy Mary that I live with.
That's OK.
I like her.

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