Sunday, January 27, 2008

Back to the beginning!

"Vesinni said, to go back to the beginning, so, here I am back at the beginning." Domingo Montoya. Princess Bride.

Not the more famous of lines from one of the best movies ever, but I thought if it as I read Danielle Bean's latest article Feel the Music at Inside Catholic. She tells the story of her and her future husbands meeting in the 80's as the memory was brought back by music he played for her, pointing out to their 8 children that the song was for her. It was precious.
It was also vaguely reminiscent of my young romance with the man who would be my husband. We weren't in school - I was trying out my first bikini at Look Park Pool in Northampton. It doesn't exist anymore and the locals who called it Hamp are rapidly being replaced by the avante guarde community of the day who call it NoHo.
We were only 13--- the main reason behind making my children wait till they are 16 to date. Oh I'm not naive. I know they'll like other kids and be VERY interested. But at 13 it is so important to really build the best friend relationship and explore your dreams and who this new person you are becoming really is. I also chose not to ask them to court or wait till 18. In our neighborhood, in our culture, it would certainly have meant only that they would be secret with me. I can't help if I'm not trusted.
One of my sisters was able to move close to a Catholic Covenant Community that all has the waiting rule. It works for them become they are realistic about filling the needs of their young people, keeping them busy and engaged in positive activities, build their friendships and give them layers of trusted adults to talk with about their problems. Parents have back up.
Has my solution worked? Can't tell you. I know my son at college enjoyed the first semester of freedom a little too much. He sortof understands that but he's still young. My daughter waited till 16 very begrudgingly. then dove in head first. I think if they'd waited longer they may have found real love. Unfortunately immaturity won out. Now she is scary in who she finds interesting and I'm concerned for her. Until she moves past living in fear she will not make good decisions.

But then I go back to the beginning, my sweets, who knew immediately that someday we'd marry. No matter how hard we argued over songs like Billy Joel's Only the Good Die Young or his rotten friends, or his sacrilegious attitude. Because we grew, matured, most important we allowed each other to grow, encouraged it and enjoyed it when it could have made us fearful.
Like Danielle and her husband we found our selves saying Yes, to God. Over and Over.
and Leslie.
2 in heaven and the rest here on earth having to sin along side mom and dad, but happy, and happy to see their beginning.

No comments: